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After answering for yourself, next ask your partner to rank, or on your own put down how you think your partner would prioritize.The more “must-must” and “must-should” combinations between you and your partner, the greater the possibility of an intimate relationship.Fundamentally, do I like myself in this relationship?Your honest answers to these questions offer important clues to the long-term health and happiness of your relationship. Does Your Partner’s Communication Lift You Up or Bring You Down? John Gottman of the University of Washington, a foremost expert on couple studies, concluded after over twenty years of research that the single, best predictor of divorce is when one or both partners show contempt in the relationship.Here’s a quick exercise to check you and your partner's compatibility in intimacy.List the four dimensions as follows: _______________________________________________________ Partner A Partner B Physical Emotional Intellectual Shared Activities _______________________________________________________ Next to each dimension, rank whether this is a “Must” have, “Should” have, or “Could” have for you in your romantic relationship.
In communication studies, this is known as being “tough on the person, soft on the issue.” An effective communicator knows how to separate the person from the issue (or behavior), and be soft on the person and firm on the issue. When our current life isn’t working out, we might have the tendency to romanticize our past and how things would’ve turned out if our past relationships worked out.
A friend may trigger your higher or lower tendencies.