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Melody continues, “If what he’s doing is working for him, why change?
Melody Rhode (a gifted marriage and family therapist), is “functional fixedness.” This phrase describes a man who will never be motivated by his wife’s pain; he’s only motivated by his pain.For women, this spiritual reality means that you need to adopt a long-term view of change that will be internal and spiritual before it is external and marital.More than simply praying for a change in the way your husband treats you, pray for a change in his heart toward God.“Functional fixedness might be equivalent to what the Bible calls being ‘stiff necked’ people or ‘darkened in their own thinking,’ even ‘hard hearted.’ Having eyes, they don’t see the woman in front of them except in relation to their own feelings and needs (i.e. Saying something I want to hear or something I want to shut out? The real problem here is that women can’t change this. It is his uncircumcised heart and unrenewed mind that sees his wife as a ‘self-object’ and her pain as something to be avoided, silenced, ignored, or even harshly treated.” Do you understand what Melody is saying? Putting someone else’s needs above his own doesn’t even occur to him because he does not have a sacrificial heart or mindset.
You’re thinking, “How can I get my husband to be more sensitive? Your call for him to sacrifice simply because something he is doing hurts you is like asking a soldier to fire a weapon he doesn’t possess.“There’s a simple question I ask wounded women who seek help to endure belittling or degrading treatment from their man: ‘Why does your husband treat you badly?